look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
