Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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