The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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