why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
