Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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