I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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