I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
