Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
