there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
