these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
how does that bad decision feel?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
