oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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