How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
