put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
