I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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