The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
