Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
