What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
