AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
