I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
