Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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