from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
