So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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