man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
