Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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