Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
