would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
