I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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