Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
