Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
