Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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