mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
