Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
