finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
