I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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