so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
