Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
