Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
