Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
