I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
