I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
vagina is talking i cant
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
