I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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