Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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