Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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