she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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