I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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