best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
