even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
