I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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