if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
