I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
