Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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