so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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