weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
